A New Chapter Of My Life…Coming Soon!

Well I am starting a new chapter of my life next month, June at the latest. I will be moving to San Fransico, California. I am excited and nervous. I will be staying with my bff. I think this could positive for me because, I will have more freedom over my life. I can concentrate on my writing and things that interest me. I won’t feel so alone or that I am always in someone else’s way or hindering them. I can be free to be myself.

I will be back to PDX at some point. But I think for right now spending a little time in some sun is just what the doctor ordered. I already suffer from depression, as well ptsd. The weather here in PDX really bothers with me. I do love it here when the sun does decide to make an appearance, but those occasions are rare.

I am just ready for a change. Although I was accused of fleeing by mother. She said I did not try hard enough to make it work…WTF. I could almost take that statement from anyone but her. Of course I went off. I said you have no idea how hard I have tried. I know things have always been easy for you, but never for me. I have not seen my mother in probably 6 years, not since I went back home and pleaded to come home. My ex boyfriend beat me up. I don’t tolerate that, so I put him in jail. I packed all my wordily positions at the time, and went to my safe harbor. I went home to my mother, where she told me to go back to where ever the hell I came from. I was left on the streets for 3 years. Her  husband did not want me there. I am relatively sure he doesn’t like me because a long time ago he came over to my house drunk and offered me money for favors. I told him to stick it.

So back to this new chapter, I know it will be what I make of it. It is just another chapter to add to the misadventures of Melissa. If you need my whole story, you would swear I was lying because not one lone person can go through half the stuff I have gone through. But honestly, I don’t think I would trade it. Occasionally I would just like to get off the roller coaster.

Blog You Later, Melissa

Breathe and Decompress

So today I took sometime to  breathe and decompress today. I ended up at a nature wildlife preserve. It was so quiet and peaceful. I could think and let all the little voices of my head just disappear for a while. I saw an otter. I saw all kinds of birds. I even saw a snake run across my path with dinner in its mouth. It is a beautiful thing to see. We spend more time not seeing the things in front of us. We don’t see the beauty in the world. All we see is what we don’t have. Or how to get what we don’t have. 

It was so beautiful just seeing there, I almost wanted to cry. But I didn’t. I just sat there and enjoyed. I just soaked it all in. Now I am typing this post feeling as free as a bird. I have no idea how long I will have this feeling, but I will enjoy it until it lasts. 

You don’t have to spend loads of money to have a good time. Sometimes just sitting back and looking at what a beautiful place we you live is enough to satisfy that need. This is actually a beautiful planet to bad we don’t take better care of it. 

Oh The Horror!

People think I am weird. My friends think I am weird, so I can only imagine what strangers think of me. I am speaking of my freakishly morbid affair with the horror movie genre. I live to be scared out of my wits or my brain brought to the brink of insanity. I like watching blood, guts, and gore. I cannot get enough of it. It’s a twisted thing to say I know. But it’s just a movie!

But sometimes it seems horror is not horror anymore. I think horror. I think Michael Myers, Jason, Freddy. and Leatherface. These are my boys. Now you have Saw which even when I first saw it in theaters I thought it was psychological and not horror so much. Now horror seems to spill over into real time or real life. I know there is no Jigsaw but there are people in the world capable of such atrocities. I hate to use this as an example but take Scream. The Ghostface was human. But back in the day my horror men Michael, Jason…etc….you shoot them, stab them, and they kept coming. You could even chop their heads off but not to worry they would still be back in the sequel. Strange how things change.

 

This was just a quick little post. I will be right back! If any horror movie lovers are reading this, you know exactly what that phrase means. So if you don’t hear from me anytime soon. I have bit it!

 

Blog You Later, Melissa

Do You Hear The Words That Are Coming From My Mouth?

Yes, I can hear you loud and clear. I am a tip toe type person. I never want to intentionally hurt anyone. I try my best to monitor feelings, so I can monitor my words. There are ways to say everything. I guess what I am really trying to say is there are ways to say things that don’t hurt people. Today my feelings weren’t necessarily hurt but bruised, and  by a friend no less. You’re suppose to build friends up not makes cracks in already nearly shattered surface. It just makes the ache that much more. 

I wish I was the type of person things just rolled all of. When people say things, I just didn’t give a flip. Sometimes I don’t, but most times I do. But when you grow up in a family where teasing is the norm you either develop a really thick skin or none at all. In my case, I got the latter. 

So for some of you who may read this. When you are speaking to someone, take into consideration what you say before you say it. Sometimes words cut deeper that any physical blow you could dish out. I am decompressed now. So I will stop. I got to liven this blog up next go around, starting sound like a pity party. 

Blog You Later, Melissa

Things Could Be Worse…..

So my life is one let down after another or so it seems that way to me. I try so hard to make a go of things and it just all seems to come crashing down around me every time. Now that I am having to find a new place I suppose I should be happy. Why did not move to Vegas when I had the chance? I almost lost everything again including my bff because of it 

I just wanted to do all the right things. But people can not see that. They see what they want to see. I simply cannot keep picking myself up again and again. I feel alone, and I am scared to death. At least I know if I have absolutely no where to go I can go and stay with my friend for awhile if I need to. But I really do not want to be someone else’s burden. 

Everyone wants something from me, I feel sometimes. The one constant in my life is my writing. I love it. I been writing for the same company for two years. I keep thinking something will come from it. I will find something more and someone will see something in me and give me a chance. But I don’t think that is going to happen either. 

I just half to keep telling myself things could be worse. I got to be more positive. Positivity is my one true downfall. I cannot seem to get in a zone of positivity because I always find the pitfalls in every things. I think I need to work on that. 

My Latest Addiction!

So I am not a gamer. I never have been, although growing up my brother and I had all the latest and greatest game systems and games. It just never was my thing. I had one boyfriend who got me started on Tomb Raider but it didn’t really stick. Once he was gone it was gone. 

Now I am a grown woman with an addiction to Sims Social on Facebook. It started off innocently enough. I played Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud here and there. But I didn’t have to play. I did it just because. 

Then one night my friend Kim called and asked to go into my Facebook so she could send her Sim something she needed. I said okay. She said she would block the app after she was done. Well she didn’t. So the next morning I got up logged into my Facebook and saw the Sim Social in the side bar. I clicked it. I was a goner right then and there. 

I play quite a bit. And I cannot quite figure out my fascination with the game. Now my Sim is a hoarder. She has all these cool things in her house I can’t build because so few of my friends play the game. So I cannot collect the necessary items to build,  as fast as I buy things. I am constantly redecorating and adding to. 

I am embarrassed to say Hi, I am Melissa. I am addicted to Sim Social on Facebook. 

My Birthday is A Snow Day!

Wow, my first real snow! And it could not have happen at a better time my birthday. I am not really a celebration of the “birthday” type girl, especially since I have had started to get older. I don’t get it. I am 36 but I don’t feel like it. I still feel young and no different than I did when I was 21. Well a few things have changed, I guess. I can’t stay up all night and go to a job like I got a good nights sleep the night before. And I am starting get body aches here and there. It kind of creeps me out thinking about it. 

It is weird, as a kid when I was like 10 years old or so. I used to think I am never going to grow up. I am just going to stay like this forever. Of course I got older. It just seems liked time dragged on so slowly. Then I hit 21 and time just took off. It’s like my 20′s were blur. I cannot figure out where they went to. Now it’s like time is going at warp speed. 

I am trying to grow old gracefully. I have started getting gray hairs. Well when I came back from Hurricane Katrina I had a huge gray streak in the front my hair. I left that alone I thought it gave me character. Now they are popping up everywhere. They have also started to pop up in other places hair grow, thank goodness for razors. 

I do not really plan birthdays anymore. I just let them happen. Tonight my cousin is taking me for drinks and a little girl time. Okay guys, I will blog you later!

Are Friends You Meet Online As Important As Friend You Meet In Real Time!

I can answer the above question quite simply, yes. I have met some of my closest friends online. A few of them I have not even met in person. They are all different and enrich my life in different ways. People have told me you can’t meet people of quality online or the friendship or virtual and not real. I have to say that is simply not true.

I have one friend who lives in Panama City, Florida. We have been friends for 5 plus years. We worked for the same work at home company. She is funny and just an amazing person all around. She listens to me and every phone call there is a laugh about something.

I have another online friend in California. We have known each other almost 10 years. She helped me start my first online business. We met physically for the first time in February 2010. It was amazing. She knows most, if not all of my deepest darkest secrets. As I know hers. We trust each other like the closest sisters.

My friend in Wisconsin, we have been friends for probably 10 or more years. She is like the mother I never had. I do not have a good relationship my mother. But she stepped in and took on the task. She has guided me over the years in a motherly manner. She has given me words of wisdom. She let’s me know all the the time how proud she is of.  Even at at the age of 35 I still need reassurance some times. She is there for me no matter what.

So I will tell you this when emphatic yes, friends you meet online can be just as important as real time friends. We do everything as real friends do. We share things. We exchanges gifts on birthdays and Christmas. And I love them just as much as my own family. If I really think about it they are apart of my family. And I love them all so very much.

As always I will blog you again later!

Possible Book For Me! Hmmmmm!

This Is Me!

 

I have been told on more than one occasion I should write a book chronicling my life story. I am still kind up in the air as to rather or not I am going to go through with it. My life has been a wild ride filled with ups, downs, and all around. It has been a whirlwind of a life. The kicker is I am only 36 years old. I am trying to figure out where to start or how to begin. How much to say, and what not to say. I am a very open person but some stuff will stun you.

Sometimes I can’t believe my life. Hurricane Katrina was a big part of my life. I thought about focusing mainly on that but it’s kind of depressing. So I thought about just making it a chapter rather than the entire story.  I have had some fun times, probably more than what one person should have in one life time. I want to focus on every aspect of my life the good, the bad, and the ugly.

At the same time I have an utter fear of writing it. It is my life thrown out there for people to judge. Also I am not going to lie grammar is not my strong suit. So I may have to find a good editor. I write for a company called  Yovia, and occasionally for Textbrokers. They never complain about my writing or grammar. So I guess I am an okay writer. I just still feel I need to spread my wings in that department.

Or maybe I should wait until I am 40 and see how much more stuff I can come up with. My life is far from over at this point. I mean how much more trouble can I get into. I guess we will see.  I should also take grammar classes so I can be perfect myself as a writer.

As always I will blog you later.

This Is Melissa In Real Time!

Hi, I am Melissa. I am a 36 year old African American female. I do not feel 36. I feel more like 25. Actually turn 36 this upcoming Tuesday. I am totally dreading it. I do not feel like I even left my twenties but apparently I have.

I live in Portland, Oregon now. I like it alright. I have only been here a year and few months. It was good move as far as getting out of Florida. But I miss New Orleans. I hate Hurricane Katrina with a passion. Had it not been for that one life altering incident I would still be in New Orleans living a happy existent. It’s amazing how life just pulls the rug out from under you. It’s been about six years and I still have not gotten over it. You will hear stories here and there on my blog about it.

We are moving right along, my favorite thing to do is watch movies (horror if you want to be specific). I used to collect all kinds of memorabilia but I don’t so much anymore. I have always found horror movies kind of comforting, if you can believe that. You see my dad and I did not get along when I was growing up. The love of horror movies brought us together. Weird huh? But I am open and do explore other genres I am not that narrow minded.  I also love to read. I used to love to shop but now I can’t stand crowds so I shop online mostly now.

I am going to close this blog post now letting you know I am probably one of the most abnormal people you will meet. I am total freak. And I choose to let my freak flag fly. It’s been flying half mast lately, but no more. My blog is going to be what I want it to be. And with that being said I will blog you later!